The Pit in my Stomach

It's back.

Guess that means school is really starting again. And I'm a senior..... ummmm WHAT? HOW? WHEN? CRAZY.

Every time I go back to school, I get this pit in my stomach. I'd like to say that it's a mixture of nerves, excitement, all things wonderful... but it's really not. As much as I really do love school and as much as Northwestern couldn't be more perfect for me, I am ALWAYS sad to leave home. It never seems like I was home for long enough and it never gets any easier to say goodbye. This time in particular, it's tough.

I've gotten closer to my family this summer. We've always been a tight bunch, but this summer we had a lot of fun together too. I'm not ready to leave that. And as silly as it is, I love my house. I'm not ready to leave that either. As I embark on this final year of my undergraduate career, all kinds of questions and thoughts are swimming in my head. Who knows what will happen this year? Who know where I'll end up? Part of me wants so badly to come home. But just as big of a part of me wants so badly to spread my wings. To stay in Chicago. To try something new. Who knows? Anyway, it's sad to think that while this will always be my HOME, I may never get to come home to this house every day ever again. In fact, if all goes according to plan, I hope I don't. I need to spread my wings. I need to be a grown up. And whether I spread them as far as downtown or to another state, I need to do it.

While it stresses me out to not know, it's kind of exciting too. It's exciting to have options and it's exciting to know that my life will be wonderful, adventurous, and full, whether I'm in Chicago, Colorado, Boston, or Timbucktu.

So as I get ready to drive across the country to my other life, I'm going to focus on the excitement in my stomach instead of the dreaded change. I'm going to focus on making my senior year the best yet, and I'm going to focus on leaving the "rest of my life" up to fate. I'm going to try not to worry about whether I want to come home again or spread my wings.... Either way it will be great because as Jake told Melanie in Sweet Home Alabama, "It's ok to have roots and wings."