A lot can happen in a year....

All summer, my mom has been saying that."Well you know sweetheart, a lot can happen in a year..." Yes, a lot sure can happen in a year and thinking back to who I was a year ago, I don't think that girl would recognize me. I've traveled across Europe, I've met wonderful people, I've been through sorority hell, I've come a long way in realizing what is really important, and I've learned that life is all about the laughter.

So a year ago today, I was packing, unpacking and repacking my bags for Spain, about ready to set out on what is thus far, the greatest adventure of my life. When I got out of the car that night to hug my family and tell them I'd see them at Christmas time, I was nervous, excited, and completely oblivious. I had high expectations for Spain and my entire study abroad experience, but never in my WILDEST dreams could I have imagined what I was about to encounter. Everything about my life there was a dream. The sights, the smells, the tastes, the SOUNDS. It was incredible, literally beyond words. I learned that until then, I was blissfully ignorant of a whole big world out there. It's a world full of different languages, food, sleep schedules, customs..... it's a world of wonderfully different people and I just occupy the tiniest little bit.

I hope I never forget what it felt like to walk down Asuncion and marvel at the impeccably dressed babies, looking up at balcony's, and dodging little kids on bikes or playing soccer. I hope I never forget Mascarpone, or riding in the elevator, or how wonderful my bed felt after a full day of exploring. I hope I never forget how hot it was walking to class those first few weeks or the first time I saw the Cathedral. I hope I never forget walking out of those double doors to the excited mob of host moms or that first car ride and meal of spaghetti. I hope I never forget im-ing Kara and waiting for dinner or the sangria at O'Tapas..... I hope I never forget the feeling I had every single day in Spain.

It was the feeling of someone who is really alive. Someone who lives to experience and explore, someone who knows what a gift each day is, and someone who just can't stop smiling. It was amazing.

My life in Spain taught me a lot of things. It taught me the importance of learning new languages, cultures, and customs. It taught me the value in a slower paced lifestyle, the importance of friends and family, and that sometimes taking risks is the best way to discover something great. I could have gone back to Northwestern last fall - a place where I had friends, a routine, and assurance. But I didn't, I went to Spain knowing no one and not even knowing the language. And it changed me.

Now that students are heading over to Sevilla for this fall semester, I find myself a bit jealous. Who will stay with MY host parents? Who will discover MY favorite sandwiches at Cien Mont or MY favorite store? It's hard not to feel jealous and possessive over what can only be described as a living dream that was MY reality for a few months.

As much as I want to go back though, and as much as I want to do it again, I know it will never be the same. We will never again be that carefree or youthful. So for now, all I have are my memories, and damn they're great. I'll go back again someday, but I know it just can never be the same. And while this makes part of me so sad, the other part of me is hopeful that it was just the first of many wonderful adventures in my life.

I'm about to embark on my senior year of COLLEGE. Where did the time go? I have my whole life ahead of me and who's to say that can't be a dream too? After this summer, I'm excited to work. I'm excited to have a real purpose every day, to work with real, mature people, to be a real person. And, I'm excited for love and family and travel..... I'm excited to live.

So in the next year, I will graduate from college, hopefully find a job, start a career, and who knows what else? A lot can happen in a year....

My afternoon as a Superhero

When Mark called me last Thursday to tell me that he'd booked our skydiving adventure, my heart was pounding out of my chest and my stomach was in my throat. It was a feeling that I thought would only intensify as I neared the moment when I would throw myself out of a moving plane 18,500 feet in the air.

Leaving the house, I jokingly told Maddie that she could have my books and my shoes and that if something should happen, the three of them should take a trip to Spain in my honor.... The way up was long and it was surreal. Mark and I weren't really going to jump out of an airplane.... People didn't just do that. Did they? The colorful floating dots in the sky seemed to suggest otherwise. That's when it hit me and my palms began to sweat.

Over the next two and a half hours, Mark and I signed our lives away, forgot about our nerves as our excitement grew, watched bachelor parties, couples, old guys, and friends suit up and come back smiling from ear to ear. Each time an instructor called an eager soul, he would greet them with something hilarious like "Hey buddy, let's go throw you out of a plane." or "Hi. I'm Mike. I'm the most important man in your life now." One dude in a pink shirt, from New Zealand, was the funniest of all of them. Mark and I cracked up every time he came for someone else and both crossed our fingers hoping that he would be the one to "throw us out of the plane."

When the time came, I was the lucky one to go with Piddy and Mark went with Mike. I thought for sure the shaking hands and sweaty palms would start when I got in that airplane with the two little benches. It didn't. Piddy was just so pumped, it was hard not to be overflowing with excitement too. And on the way up, it wasn't the nerves that took my breath away, it was the view. The light hit the mountains perfectly and as we climbed to 6,000 feet and then 17,000, my only emotion was pure exhilaration. Piddy told me we would jump at about 18,500 feet and soon after he told me we'd reached 17,000, the little door opened up, Mark waddled over, and in two seconds, he vanished. I was probably the fifth one out of the plane and when it was our turn, we waddled to the door, I inched my toes over the edge and all of a sudden I was free falling at 130 miles an hour.

We were falling so fast, my stomach didn't even have time to reach my throat. And I couldn't scream either. But somehow, I could laugh and look around. What I saw was unlike anything I've ever imagined... The runways and airplanes looked so small, yet I was plummeting towards them at a frighteningly fast speed. After about a minute and at around 6,00o feet, Piddy pulled the chute and it was a jarring couple of seconds as the parachute snapped to life. The four minutes that followed were breath-taking, peaceful, crazy, fun, and wonderful. Piddy steered the parachute back and forth over the ponds and landing area and when it was time for landing, we glided right in for a perfect landing on our butts.

Skydiving was unlike anything I've ever done. It was fun, exciting, and unbelievably, not scary. I imagined shaking limbs, fighting tears, and a speeding heart rate. Instead I found myself laughing, agreeing that I was "a mother fucking bad ass," and wondering how jumping out of an airplane could happen with such nonchalance...

In one incredible afternoon, I strapped myself to a guy named Piddy, wearing a pink shirt, I flew up to 18,500 feet over the foothills, I jumped out of a double propellor plane, I free fell for 12,500 feet at 130 miles per hour, I floated softly to the ground, I became a certified badass, and for five whole minutes, I felt like a superhero.

It was "fucking awesome."

Teach For America

Teaching has always been on my to-do list, though I always thought it would be a second career - one that I would do after I had kids and tried my luck in the business world. But when Teach for America started recruiting me last spring, it got me thinking. Why not now? Well there are a few reasons, but there are also a few reasons to just go for it. It takes a really special, really strong person to go in and teach in an inner city. I'm not sure I have that strength but I do know that what those kids really need is someone to believe in them. I can do that. So, the first application deadline was today and the more I thought about it, the more I thought about a convrstation I had with my dad a few years back:

When he asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I told him I wanted to be important. He was suprised and said, "come on honey, of course you are important." I said I know, but I really want to matter. Now, there are lots of ways to matter and to be "important." Holding a high powered, high profile job would be pretty cool. But mostly, I want to make a difference. I could do this in an office, or I could do it in a classroom.....

After lots of thinking, I decided, if I'm not changing someone's life, if I'm not making a difference, then what am I doing? So I applied. And we'll see what happens. Maybe I'll be offered a position. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll still end up in an office and teaching will be my second career. Either way, I hope I can find a way to be "important."

Following is my letter of intent for my application:

A couple of years ago, my dad asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up. I said, "I want to be important." I wasn't talking about becoming a CEO or making millions of dollars, I was talking about making a profound difference in someone's life. I want my work to matter and I want those around me to feel as though they matter. I've thought about it a million times, and as far as an opportunity to make a difference, it doesn't get much better than Teach for America. I am confident that as a corps member, I could make a difference in the lives of many children by giving them a great education when they might not otherwise have that chance.

I want to be a part of this movement because I want to be a part of the empowerment. When I went to school, I had teachers who believed in me, parents who believed in me, friends who believed in me... I was blessed enough to have the support and encouragement of many to help me dream big and succeed. From the bottom of my heart, I hope that every child has someone to believe in him or her, though I know that this is not always the case. I want to join Teach for America so I can be that person who believes in a child and pushes him to believe in himself so that he can succeed. I want to be a part of this movement so that I can bring passion, confidence, and success to every child, no matter their household income or situation. I want to join Teach for America so I can make sure every child has a great education and the tools for a successful future.

Though I may not be the perfect teacher, I will be the perfect cheerleader and every day, I will do my very best to show children their full potential while giving them the education they deserve. As a corps member, I hope to improve literacy and test taking abilities, but I also hope to instill a sense of empowerment, hope, and drive in children. I believe that accomplishments in academics are important, but those are only the beginning of a bright future. As a teacher, my most profound accomplishment would be knowing my children believe in themselves and have the courage to constantly dream bigger.

To measure success as a corps member, I will evaluate my students and their academic progress with pre-tests and final tests of my own and hopefully some of the state's too. Though it is slightly more difficult to measure a child's increased belief in himself, I will do so by evaluating goals and dreams. Perhaps we will keep dream journals or I will simply ask the children throughout the year. Increased confidence, though maybe not measurable by any definite means, is definitely noticeable and I will measure my success as a corps member by the noticeably increased confidence of my students.

Rocky Mountain High

This weekend, we went to Vail with some of our closest family friends. The boys golfed, the girls hiked, and we all laughed enough to be well on our way to a solid six pack. Speaking of six packs, there was that too. :) It was a much needed weekend of relaxation, laughter, good food, and better company.

The hike that I went on though, was more wonderful than words can describe. I went with Keri, my Mom, and Maddie. It was a long drive and we got confused once or twice on the way up, but the scenery was more than worth it. The trail led us up the side of a mountain while we gazed at the sparkling lake and snowy, tree covered peaks of the mountains surrounding us. I trailed behind somewhat - taking photos in a desperate attempt to capture the beauty that engulfed all of my senses. I also trailed behind to think. And I thought about so much, it's almost frightening.

I thought about how the last time I did that hike, I was 17 and with Cayla (The photo below is from 2007). It was as beautiful then as it was on Saturday, though in a different way. Four years ago, we were chatting and giggling the whole time, wondering what was going to happen during our senior year. We wondered who would date who, where we would go to college, who would go to prom with who.... We even wrote down our prom predictions and we were pretty dead on. We had no idea, though, what our senior year would bring. It would bring us together, apart, and together again in the most steadfast and comforting way. Senior year certainly brought us our ups and downs and a whole lot of adventure, but with that, it brought a closeness that few can match.

Together, Cayla and I navigated our way through Homecoming, serious winter dance drama, a trip to Spain, dance tryouts, college decisions (and last minute switches), a diagnosis, and a lot of laughing. Through it all, she stuck by me. She helped me make the hard decisions. She held my hand and prayed for me to be brave, she didn't laugh when I was scared, and even though we've both changed so much, she still loves me, and I her just the way we did the first time we hiked to the falls at Piney Lake. And honestly, I think I love her more today than I did that day.

I have the utmost respect and appreciation for that girl. She is her own person, she does what she knows is right, and she's a wonderful friend. Every time she calls just to see how my day is, I promise myself that I will be a better friend. That I will be more like her. Every time I have a President crisis, she knows how to put it into perspective because she's traveled the same road. I wish I could find the words to say thank you for that calm that she has given me and for all the times she has gotten me through the hard things. As a president AND as a person. As a president, person, and friend, it doesn't get much better than Cayla. And this Saturday, I was overwhelmed by the memories of our first hike four years ago.

I also couldn't stop thinking about boys on that hike. Piney Lake is a popular wedding destination and it's breath taking so how could I not think about boys? I can't wait to go to the falls again and to so many others with a man that I love. Whether he's from Colorado and used to the majestic scenery or a city boy in awe, I can't wait to share that with him.

Then, thinking about the boy, got me thinking about my job and all of the big life decisions I have to make coming up. What if my job isn't in Colorado? Could I really start a life anywhere else? Would I regret not starting a life in a new, exciting place? Should I play it safe? Should I take a risk? Will I have someone to tie me to a certain city? Do I want that right now? How will I pick which offer to take? Will I even get an offer? Which career path should I choose? The safe one? The challenging one? The scary one? Teach for America? Investment Banking? Level 3? Will any of those even be options? The questions were overwhelming. How am I going to choose? And how could I ever leave this place? I don't honestly know if I can. And though, I've always thought I want to, this summer and that hike have made me realize, I'm not so sure......

That was one powerful hike.

Why are all the good ones taken?

Seriously. It's killing me.

Maybe it's my fear of a broken heart or rejection that makes me go for the ones I can't have. Maybe it's just some kind of frustrating coincidence..... Either way, it's becoming annoying.

I hope one day I can be brave enough to fall for the guy that's available. That has the ability to break my heart into pieces but doesn't. I hope I'm brave enough to let myself fall for the guy that will be brave enough to let me love him too.

To Dream or Not to Dream?

DREAM! And Dream BIG!

Last week was the annual Dugan family vacation. Possibly the most anticipated week of every year. It's the one week that ensures enough crazy stories, good food, games, photos, wine, and smiles to make your head spin. With 22 crazy people in one big house, this year was no different. There were so many great moments (and great lines by William and John) that it is hard to pick a favorite.

The moment that stands out the most though, is a conversation with Uncle Tim and Aunt Izzie. Not only are they super cool and incredibly smart, driven and successful people, they are genuinely wonderful. We were talking about peaking in life and how those who peak in High School aren't the ones to envy. William then asked if I had peaked yet, to which I proudly and (hopefully) replied no. William then asked Aunt Izzie but before she had a chance to respond, the quick witted (and crazy) Uncle Tim said "June 30th 1990, Baby!" That's their anniversary and the smirk on his face was priceless. While that was obviously a landmark day for them both, it certainly can't be considered a peak. He then said that he doesn't think he's peaked yet either.... (Let me just say, that's either a bold faced lie or his peak is a freaking plateau and he'll be king of that mountain for a long time. Either that or he's jumping from peak to peak of a very long and very very tall mountain range.)

While the verdict is still out on whether he has truly peaked or not, the lesson didn't go unnoticed. As the most successful man I know, it's humbling to see that he has no plans to slow down. He is always striving to be better, to do more, and to fulfill his dreams. And not in a greedy power hungry way either. He's constantly striving because he's constantly chasing his dreams. And when he reaches one dream's goal, he just dreams bigger. And somehow he finds a way to fulfill that dream too. It's amazing, humbling, and inspiring all at the same time.

Of all the things he said to us that night, one of the things that resonated the most was the rule of 3. Whether you are a sophomore in college trying to make it through, or the CEO of a major company, the key to success is to pick three things and really finish them, he said. He then made each of us create just 3 goals for the year and made us promise to

a. be self-starters and strong self-finishers to see those goals through. - he promised that if we could teach ourselves to be strong self-starters and finishers, we would be more successful than most in whatever it is that we want to do.

b. write those goals down - "don't just plug them into your phones or whatever crazy technology you have...."

So, with the help of him and the boys, these are my three goals for the year. Here's to being the self starter and finisher who is brave enough to dream big and always keep dreaming bigger.

1. Get good grades. A 3.5 or better!

2. Get in shape Go to the gym at least 4 times a week!

3. Get a B.O.Y. and/or a J.O.B. (the Job was his idea and the boy mine - the discrepancy allowed for a joint goal 3 even though the two aren't related)

PS the three best William lines of the week:

"Is Nana making your breakfast, William?"

"Yep, that's why we're such great euchre partners - she does the cooking and I do the winning!"

William's example of a simile:

"Bikini's are just like barbed wire. Protect the goods without destroying the view."

On Uncle Tim's ordering a new, very fast, car:

"Well I guess I'll be seeing you Saturdays and every other Wednesday."