How did I get here? I'd like to think I'm a leader, but compared to my peers, I'm just another regular girl looking for a place in this world. And, how does a girl go from the top of her class, straight A kind of student, to one who is almost brought to tears in the middle of an economics test and praying for a C-? It hurts to be that girl who can't remember the last time she walked out of a test and felt confident. It hurts to go into a classroom or a problem set knowing that it will be another struggle and with what kind of results? I used to think that "the best I can be" was good enough. But when I'm not passing classes and not getting interviews, it's clearly not good and certainly not good enough.
The problem is, I don't know how to be good enough and I don't know what it is that is going to change so that I am good enough. It's disheartening to say the least. I work my butt off and somebody else always wins. So what is going to encourage me to keep going? It's so hard to keep trying again, to keep putting myself up for failure.
I wish I could say that I just know something will work out, but maybe I just need to aim lower. But then again, to me, aiming lower is the ultimate failure. If I can't aim high, then why aim at all? After all, the world is about the biggest pond there is, and in just over 3 months, I'm going to be thrown into that pond, whether I like it or not. How am I going to survive all those sharks? It's scary and to say I need to be brave to do it, is the understatement of the century. It's going to take a lot more than bravery.
So what is it going to take and how am I going to find it?
